Shy = Me?

Just came back from grandma hse.... hiaz.. It's her birthday today.. I went.. but my bro din.. he need to work today..

It has been some time since i last visited her... When i first saw her.. i dunno what to say.. perhaps i m.. shocked.. a bit.. too shocked.. D previous time i saw her.. was in d hospital.. she look haggard.. and her hair turns white.. not a single black..
today... she looked even more... haggard.. n she lost all her hair.. start to wonder... nxt time... i c her.... how should i react.. or.. hiaz...

as usual.... i got tongue-tied when i saw so many of relatives... i think that.. to them.. i'm someone v v v v v v v v v shy... indeed.. i think.. maybe i am... no.. is.. in fact, i am. all these 20 years.. i dun dare to talk to my relatives.. when i go to my grandparent's hse, i will hide in d room and do my own stuff.. today.. i did tat too.. i drew something.. out of nothing.. n when i m drawing... so many nieces and nephews came to disturb me.. haa.. they r small kids wantin me to give them paper n pencil to scribble on it.. n i dun even noe their names.. c'mon.. i have like dunno how many nieces and nephews.. i also dunno is niece or nephew or cousin.. they all look d same to me.. their face change so fast.. for some.. dunno since when can start to walk on their own le.. my god.. n i jus realised that today..

d 4 room flat is like sooo cramp wif... er.. 1 grandma 1 grandpa, ard 6 sons and 3 daughter all wif their spouse.. n den add d sons and daughters had at least 2 children each. and then quite some of the children had at least 2 children or babies with them... den it's like... er... ard at least 30 ppl in a 4 room flat..
we din even hav place to stand.. not to mention sitting down.. den all those.. kids huh.. still wan to run about in d hse.. can't they c that we are SqueeZING like hell? haiyo...

nvm.. back to d shy thing... i had a lot of things.. i wanted to say to my grandma.. but i find it v hard to... most of d time is like.. she initiate to talk to me first... but haiz.. nvm.. jus.. hard to..
den for d rest of relatives.. er.. also had to initiate to talk to me.. den i will open my mouth.. besides yawning at times.. but den my reaction to them... is all ard d same.. smile, nod head for yes den shake head for no.. den smile again... *faint.. why like tat???
maybe... becoz.. i dun like some of my relatives... that few.. who look down on my family.. esp.. my brother.. ok fine.. so what they hav a good backgrd.. so so so??? dun hav to talk bad abt my bro right.. he did change le.. *thou i did scold my bro bastard.. but ok.. he is my bro, n i still love him thou i onli tell him he sucks big time.. haha. i hate those... hypocrite.. acting to be nice to us.. i dun need their so call sympathy.. get lost...

nvm.. they wun get lost.. i still hav to see them... for many more years.. nvm.. hack care.. i continue to be a 'shy' psn lor.. becoming.. austic...