Schizophrenia.

It's is a pyschological problem that is quite scary i think. Well, i went to sch early today to do UCD discussion with cus and dezhang.. So after some brainstorming, we kinda narrowed down to life after death topic for the nature theme. After that, seek consulation from Ms Pat and we kinda.. decided to do more on pyschological defects which includes depression, Schizophrenia, split personalities etc..


Suddenly Ms Pat mentioned on a photographer named Wu Xiao Gang, who had Schizophrenia and committed suicide 2 years ago. While she was trying to recall what his site link is, dezhang said he did the site. Cus said something like he was from TP or something.. visual coms course? But yea.. All i can say after viewing it... is.. it's so freaky.. scary.. i mean... upon viewing the photos he took without even viewing his bio and how this 36 photo come is able to make you have goosebumps.. and the feeling is.. i had to agree is.. so intense and yea.. you wun be able to smile lor.. it's not taken using a digital cam okay.. is using those flim camera.. But the last 5 photos are so er..


And yea, this is one of the stuffs that was wrote on another site regarding his photos
:" It shows 36 photos taken by Wu Xiao Kang, a boy who suffers from acute schizophrenia. These photos were shot repeatedly for at least 35 times in the last 2 years of his life. The cropping of the images, although shot on different days, was always the same.
The images exude a haunting feel from the first photo. I was amazed at how the photos provide such intense emotions. This is the epitome of photography, and it takes a boy's life to allow us to experience.
Read the 'curating' section and you will feel even more surreal.
Xjao Kang committed suicide in 2005. "


u all go see.. Okay, picture speaks louder than words.. oh the "main" can be located at the bottom of the site, thou a bit very small but yea. click the main to find the curating section whereby you can read the text and dun blast the music. It's scary.. =[
link here..
http://adoseoflight.com/overdose/xiaokang.html

Updates here.


I'm having some boring sch days. Basically, none of the modules appeal to me so far ESP, audio creation. Dots, the first lesson is kinda A maths thingie and we were asked to solve log qns. wth..
I mean if i know earlier that Audio Creation deals wif maths, den i would have taken sculpturing, something that i dun need to use my mind i suppose.


Besides that, i kinda recovered but my mum's sick.. flu and bad cough.. she coughed so hard tat it kinda burst her eye blood vessels so it looks scary now.. Seen a doc today and it will take ard a week to recover so yea, hope it gets better and better every single day. And er, i've been a good girl.. going home straight after sch almost everyday to keep her accompanied becoz i think sick ppl needs lots of care to make them feel better, not so depressed and er.. i just dun feel like going anywhere. Dunno why.. perhaps i used to go out so much that i'm tired of going out also.


Oh, ppl have been telling me how much my bro had changed and i certainly do agree.. just now i was rollin on his bed talkin to him while he digs out his letters to read. Among those letters he kept, some cards were from me.. and gosh, it's like er 13 years ago. wahaha.. one of it was a letter whereby i gave him when he was admitted to the boys hostel for some illegal stuffs he did. It took me so much courage to wrote him that lar.. and i even asked him not to scold me etc inside the letter.. asked him to quit smoking etc.. now when i read it again.. is like so awww.. touchin and er touching. u noe, i have limited vocabular but i am really er.... touched.. last time i feared going home so much and once im back home, i will lock myself inside the room and only when he's not in den i will open up.. really is too afraid of him.. wah heng ah.. ppl do really grow up with time..


Glad to say, everything has taken a change now.. He sayangs me now wor! wee! and when he comes back home.. he will look for me to "play" with me.. as in.. suaning each other.. he will even accompany me to the arts museum to do my homework while he waits den go shop for his shirt whole day that kind.. great yea.. =] WEEEE!!! i have a happy family!!! except tat my father drinks too much that's scary..


and i miss my baobei lar, faster come back lar u nabei. hahaaahhahaa.. have been scolding her nabei, hun dan etc in skype all these days coz she scold me other stuffs.. funny lar.. okay, now u all know why i haven been msn-ing recently.. coz i'm skyping =]

Aha, it's been the fourth day since start of school and i'm doing er fine. It's not a very busy week yet coz it's only the first week so let's see how it goes. Tml will be the class i've been quite curious about = Audio Creation. Yday or the day before, i asked choonkiat what do we do in audio creation? He said, Oh audio creation is we go in and practise to sing with our diaphragm lor! =_=" yea rite, aha. very funny.


Ended school quite early today so i went back to acc mama and bro, after some time we decided to catch a movie entitled 200pounds of beauty. It's a korean movie lar but it's quite funny thou the plot isn't something very new.. do watch it if you're free. Oh, last week i watched Mr Bean's Holiday with mama and bro too. Haha.. another stupid story but funny lar.. annnnnd i'm waiting for Pirates to screen coz i like johnny depp and i want to see chow yun fatt in er Singapore?


After movie, we went for dinner at sakae sushi. wahahaha i can eat normal food without much jaw pain now okay! (i dun mean er usually i eat abnormal food but er nvm, u all get what i mean)
jus dun give me hard stuffs like peanut and er peanuts coz i can't bite that hard.


Okay, grp 9's havin a gathering on next saturday, 28th.
Time and place not fixed yet cause actually, i've no idea. It's Chun How who asked me to plan and i of coz, give him face lar =] and since it's been actually quite a long time i "retired" from organising stuffs coz i'm tired of sending messages and deciding stuffs. But then, happy to say.. the response is in fact very good (all replied ) and most are going, even wendi. so yea, good...
YOU 'GAI '(Noppak), keep it up!

Arh.. Sch's starting in 2 days time. So fast.. But i suppose it's better to start school then lying on bed suffering from dunno what disease. So okay, SCH I'M READY AND COMING!


Anyway, let's see what modules have i got this sem?


Art and Design History.
(When u ask a design student to study history, it means gone case. Nuts.)
User-Centered Design.
( I assume is Interaction Design 2 so it means stupid and boring.)
Rich-Internet Application.
( I assume it is Dynamic web 2 so it means stress and boring.)
Digital Matte Painting.
( This is the PE i choose. Wee! Should be fun?!)
Audio Creation.
( I dunno what is this but i choose it as my CE. Hope it's alright.)
National Education.
(??? What's that? They meant er NAFRA Test? or attend some talks?)


And er.. i think i have the same timetable as marcus. Aud and wen should be slightly diff because of the audio creation thing, they took sculpturing. As for the rest of grp 9, they are havin fyp now~ kinda miss them too.. those crappers *not rappers* all not ard.. gerald, bc, lim dong etc~ =[


dah-la-LA.

Guys, i'm feeling better already.. dun worry.. Just that i couldn't move my head much now due to the muscle prob and i kinda need lotsa rest and self-exercise, meaning i move my head from left to right, right to left, up to down and down to up. understand? That could be quite irritating but i try to keep it cool.


Besides that, my days were all spent at home rotting coz i couldn't go out for long either, not very comfortable. But one thing that made me sad esp some days ago.. my fren's mum passed away. That was very sudden and depressing... Because her mum is still so young and the last time i saw her, she was still alright... That really shows how unpredictable life is.. and we should really... do what we wanna do now.. dun wait.. till it's too late. I hope my fren is alright.. it'll be hard but she's strong.. And i'm sorry that i didn't turn up at the wake because of my health at that time.. didn't wan to oppose my mum and not in the right situation to go.. hope she understands...


Anyway, i got to know that news from shark and debbie when they came to visit me.. Yea.. haiz.. oh, and thanks for visiting me.. it helps.. tat time when i was kinda very depress.. and shark still call me almost everyday till now to ask if i'm better. very thoughtful of her, really.. sweet friend.. didn't know she so sweet sey.. haa.. thanks gal.. next time got money treat u shark fin, haha ur fren. oh, and i dun mean other's not sweet lar... others also sweet lar.. er.. just thanks to all k?


And.. huiwen has been very understanding as well.. felt bad that our minor proj got so delayed due to my health thing.. she's been kinda patient with me.. hope i wun 'hai' dao her.. Hmmm i've been reflecting on a lot of things recently.. and i felt i wasn't a nice psn. so i think i need to er.. do some self-reflection and be a better psn, really..


Aniwae, family life is the best to me at the current moment.. as in... everyone cares and it feels really great to be at home. I've been looking at my mum, dad and bro for the past 2 weeks.. how much they had changed and time for me to mature already... Nah.. i'm too childish.. Time for me to take care of them already.. im too pampered at home.. grow up, grow UP!


Er, today my bro and mum were saying that i've been locked at home for so many days and i should get some air outside to see if i get better. So they treated me to watch the movie er... Mr Bean's Holiday. Okay, haha.. that's quite funny, plain stupid lame-shit funny. After that, went back home and dad says there's a surprise for me den he's off to sleep. Err.... ???


So yea.. i went to my room to search for what is the "surprise" and i found 20 bucks in my wallet. haaa.. my bro dun get it man, so this shows that my father is bias towards me now hur~ coz' im the youngest at home!! Wee! And bro says my bag is too heavy and he will get me a "lighter" bag.. if not my muscle got further problem again.. hur hur.. so sweet right..even debbie and all were saying how much my bro had changed esp this year.. i tink everyone in the family is pampering me so much that made me feel so good and so bad..
so good to be pampered and so bad coz i didn't do enough for them..


i shall be a better daughter, better sister.
promise!!

Time for an update about myself.


For the past week, it has been quite a disaster to me. i almost felt that i m dying and keep having the urge to cry but yet had to hold it back.
Okay, the thing started of with me having this pain in my mouth or jaw area. I thought it could be that my wisdom tooth is growing that's why i felt such pain. So after asking quite some friends about wisdom tooth, i went over to woodlands polyclinic to check.


The dentist asked for my age and after checking me, he said i had wisdom tooth and at least one at the bottom left. So he gave me a referral letter to SGH national dental centre and a kinda painkiller, Ibuprofen. That night, i felt pain again and i took the painkiller prescribed to me. What happened next was, within 30 minutes my eyes were both swollen like ultraman and i'm not lying. It was so swollen that i couldn't even see. Then my nose starts to block and i cannot breathe through my nose. Suddenly i felt nausea and my heart beating faster so my mum rushed me to a nearby clinic and i was given a injection immediately. The doctor says that it is drug allergy and i have got a severe drug allergy. Medicine -> Predisolone was prescribe to me after that.


My nose unblockes after the injection and i felt slightly better. I thought the swell would go away within 6 hrs (usual case) but it turns out for me to take 4 days to fully recover from the swell. I thought for a moment i am going to be okay.


Okay, during the 3rd day i went over to lynette's place for her er party coz i scare no one go later she disappointed or what. For one min i am laughing out loud, the next min i find my heart beating faster and the chest felt so heavy that i need to lie down and try to catch my breath. I knew something was not right so i faster pia cab home.


Back at home, i felt more secure but not better. I forced myself to sleep yet i can't sleep and the next day, i started to have diahorrea, heartburn, fast heartbeat and i also vomitted. Besides that, i had insomia and i couldn't eat coz of the jaw pain as well. I felt so confused and weak that i wanted so much to cry out loud like a baby and hide inside my mother's arms but i didn't, coz i know that will make her worry more.


So i kinda struggled past that few days diahorrea-ing and etc. till i felt better yesterday. In fact, today i did "lao-sai" in the morning. Aniwae, today i was scheduled to take a x-ray on my wisdom tooth so i went to the national dental clinic with my mum like 8 in the morning.


First x-ray taken and guess what the dentist told me?


I only have one wisdom tooth on my top left and that wisdom tooth is not affecting me.
But that isn't what the polyclinic dentist told me. Well? What can i say?
So i was asked to take another x-ray and they stuffed something in my mouth, so near my throat that i almost puke on the nurse when taking the 2nd x-ray.


After that, the dentist confirmed with me that, it's actually not wisdom tooth that is affecting me. Neither is it that i've got tooth decay. It's more of my muscle thing. Either i overworked my muscle on my left (biting too hard? etc) that cause it to ache and have headaches, cannot open jaw or i have some sort of gum infection.


Furthermore, he told me he was very surprised that the doctor gave me predisolone for my allergy thing coz it is a steroid and no wonder i've got so much side effects that seems to be killing me.


Now, i'm given another set of medicine, Anatex. This is used to relieve my muscle and it will cause drowsiness. Just now i felt so damn drowsy that i can just suddenly drop and sleep that kinda thing. I hated it. I really hated the feeling of being sick but then again, who likes it anyway?


I felt like a pill and i cannot stand it. How long more must i be under medication? 2 weeks? That is what the current dentist told me. To stay under observation for 2 weeks and see if the muscle thing gets better. Argh.. I want to be healthy, i want to be running around here and there, not letting my parents worry for me.


I do hope i get better each day but now, i am worrying for my minor project. I have not started anything at all cause at first i was slacking then i was sick for nearly 2 weeks and now i still felt dizzy but was better coz i just woke up. I need to get some work done but i have no concentration at all now. really felt like ... argh....


And ya.. i really need to thank those who showed me care and concern during this 2 weeks. you all know who you are if u did er care? yea.. thanks..


But, the person i need to thank most.. is still my mother. She had been worrying for so long and it's very hard on her coz im still very dependent on her.. if i can.. i really wanted to let her know how much i love her but this is never expressed to her directly. I hope she knows that.