害死人的期待

因为期待 我兴高采烈地出了门
盼望多时的时刻 即将降临
忍着腹痛 我以为不会有事
但没想到 我错了


剧烈的疼痛 让我不得不放弃
原来很多时候 坚强未必能解决问题
放弃 甚至向命运低头
不见得是一件坏处


我放弃了 当众倒了下来
是害怕 是恐惧
不知如何是好
也不知能得到谁的帮助


可是 事情终有解决的余地
在没有意料下
我被解救了
是庆幸 是安慰


现在好多了
谢谢很多我不认识的人
谢谢我那可爱的大头小鸟
我想她知道她是谁
辛苦了 麻烦了


然而 不是没有担忧
妈妈紧着眉头的样子
是心疼 是歉疚
百般思绪涌入心头


她说 她难过 她自责
我想 没必要 我很好
接下来 我会好好照顾自己
减少她的担忧


希望 历史不会重演
希望 她好 我好 大家好
用句鼓励的话吧
大家 共勉之


P/S: 很想念中文 想念写作 以前本来还想当个中文文学小品、散文集作家
不过是不太可能的 偶尔 写写东西 舒缓情绪也不错

Muahahha! i dunno i happy for what reason and i m smiling to the comp dunno for what =]


i just did some director thing but i couldn't find the lingo for the "click den zoom in" thing leh.. looked thru quite some sites still cannot.. there isn't much director sites as when compared to flash. duhz.. maybe got to ask ah choong arh.. aha.. my secret affair~ =]


so, i browsed thru different blogs, wikipedia, yahoo searches, world record shit and random sites for fun and for nothing.. and wOooah.. sotong is back from new york and my tweety is back to blogging action! as for my sajiao, she arh.. still not back to blogging action wor and i'm waiting for her =] girl.. i'm waiting, waiting~ and i didn't dun wan u arh~ who ask u to be so sweetly in X now.. another day got money go eat ma la steamboat again! this time i wan it spicy hot! =] and i owe u and him one mac! lalala


A sad thing for this week would be hmm.. shark's grandmother's mother passed away few days back.. i hoped she is okay but she is in malacca so i couldn't really contact her.. hmm.. yea.. hopefully she is ok.. don sad don sad.. sayang sayang~


aniwae, i'm v sorry tat i didn't go for beicheng's birthday thing on the 27th.. sorry boy.. if u got see this.. dun mean it lar.. sorry la.. will make up to u another day.. and i kinda tell chun how i would go le yet last min cannot go.. mama din wan me to go coz i made her angry =X


as for how i spent my christmas, i met up wif some frens at BB and was smacked by aud appearing from dunno where.intially i thot it was her parents who smacked me.. after she left, my frens were saying they got a shock.. cute lar..


den, we proceeded to ah ji's hse for a dinner, drink, watch tv n slack xmas "countdown party".. hmm not really, we didn't countdown, we were drinking, trying to get each other drunk but i think only evvon and wing were a bit high.. evvon got so high that she openly confessed her love for me!


okok.. wat happened was tat, we were drinking baileys halfway den out of the sudden, evvon say :" Danni! wo xi huan ni eh!" wah liew!! i immediately chocked on the drink and coughed till tears come out. really lar.. ah ji went out to get plain water for me and pow was giving me tissue to wipe.. the rest were like laughing like shit. i cannot tahan till i wan to cry so i shouted to her "waye! i know u an lian me for 8 yrs but can dun so openly express your love esp when i am drinking mah? i will xia dao de.. haha.." the truth was she was kinda "drunk and high", there's a second part for that sentence but who ask her to out of a sudden say danni wo xi huan ni eh den pause and looked at me.. of coz i chocked lar! if this is coming out from other ppl still okay.. but EVVON?!! funny fellow..
when she's back i shall suan her again..


muahha! a brand new year is coming and a brand new start for me! hopefully i wun be so suay le! i shall hav all the fun i wan and muahahha.. i think i slept quite a lot this week.. and it's sleeping time now =] happy happy!


soon i mus go sing K liao.. if not i think my singing will be jialat liao~ mus go open voice once in a while den will sound sweet muahaha!


wonder y i update so much?
coz i got nothing to do now. tat's wat a normal happy boring psn will do when she's happy and bored =]
muahaha

Heheh.. i still think hebe is cute =] yea!
i found this on some other blog thou...



and i wan to see her play the drums.. looks interesting from this short clip.. the solos..nv see before mah..thou i dun really know why i like them.. most prob is becoz they are funny and can sing ba..
hmmm i wan to go to the concert.. =]

一个人可以是自由自在的
一个人也可以感到无比孤单
无心的话语
勾起了以往的回忆
突然静了下来
繁复的思绪着

因为沉思 忽略了他人
原来 不发一言
苦了别人也苦了自己
想避开尴尬
但不知道要说什么
终究 还是保持安静

突然有了这番见解
太闷骚 想太多
没有用
有心栽花花不发
无心插柳柳成萌
不强求 不抗拒
不回避 不假装
一切
顺其自然

I've not been blogging so much like last time.. but like what i say to most when they asked me abt this. When i feel like blogging, i will. Today, i'm gonna blog and record this down.


Something really triggered me to blog down my thoughts for this whole month..
I've been feeling quite depressing about a lot of stuffs recently that i tried my best not to show it to some, but of coz i know i've been showing attitude to some people. how long will that last? i'm not so sure either. but i guess it will be over sometime lar.


Okay.. let me start off with what is that thing that triggers me with these thoughts. Just now, on my way back home with wing, we met an accident. We were on this bus and both of us saw the bus driver horned a man, really.. a man of middle age. but the man just dashed over (we think is purposely) and the bus couldn't stop in time and the driver turned and still hit the man. Everyone in the bus basically just shouted out and the bus stopped, the driver shouted "Shit or F***". Wing and me remained silent and refused to get down the bus and see what happened to the man. We were just too afraid to see... the driver get down then later come up.. a lot of commotion and got other ppl come up the bus.. and called the police.. The driver is definately not at fault we would say. But the thing that we find it hard to believe, is the fact that after few minutes, they went down again and the man was gone. Gone not in the sense that he passed away, but is that.. he went missing. Not a single person in the bus or outside knows where he is and they already called the police. No blood stains, no nothing but everyone heard the loud bang ,feel the impact and witness the hit, even the driver knows he hitted the man. Seriously, we freaked out.


Wing and me was feeling so shaky on that bus that our legs went quite numb and we concluded that the person should be bang already and er.. "run away" to avoid being caught by police but of coz.. a lot of questions remained on our mind and we couldn't solve it. The driver made reports to the police and bus company etc and carries on driving simply because, all really dunno where is that man. Wing got down the bus first and i had to continue the journey back home. Feeling damn frighten, wing specially ran home, called me up to keep on continue chatting with me till i reach home, if not i would be thinking about a lot of stuffs and find it scary to go home alone.. esp.. my route home is quite dark.


On the bus, i've thought abt a lot of things. Last tues on my way to sch, the yishun station had a suicide case. Last sat admiratly had this case too.. I was quite taken back by this.. coz.. too many ppl are doing it.. and the way they chose to end their life is too... scary.. mrt tracks.


I couldn't stop myself from thinking about this. Few knows that last time... very long ago.. i did wanted to end my life that i did something silly.. But i'm thankful that at the very last moment, i stopped myself and i am alive. hmmm.. come to think of it.. it is really very very very silly and i would never ever harbour this thought again. It is too extreme that i cannot accept it. We only have one life... There are too many people around us who really cares.. whatever happens, it is not worth it to end it just like that. No matter how suay u r, the time will pass and things will get better somehow.


This whole year i feel that i am very suay.. nothing i do seems to make myself happy and a lot of things keep happening to me and the people i cared for a lot. I was sicked for 3 months and when i recovered, something elses happens. So so so suay that even when i go Clarke Quay to chill with some to destress and have a heart to heart talk at 3 am also can ganna a flasher. Yea, a guy pulled down his zip and showed his private part AND masturbate infront of us. Perline and me were the only two who saw it. The rest is like completely dunno until i shouted out to them A FLASHER!! Then wing they all started to turn around and look for him.. but he got away.. we din managed to chase him.. we wanted to like nail him down and call the police.. and we were all girls.. 5 girls.. only per and me ganna tat very unsightly scene. We were saying tat i should video cam his acts first den humilate him for his little "little brother" that haven even erect lar... but then who would thot of that in the first place? Too shocked already wat. Chill man.


But like wat i say.. the bad times will end when you already ganna the ultimate suayness and the good times will come. So keep on going and live your life well. Cherish it and dun end it in any stupid manner. Comparing to last month, i am feelin better already. Not in top form but at least better. Holiday is coming and i can have a good rest, do whatever i want to, hopefully.
I am really looking forward to it.

Hopefully i didn't neglect some friends too much.. you guys know who you are lar... i never forget u all and will find ways and time to meet up when possible. =]