Monday, April 10, 2006

Fucking bastards and bitches.. suddenly feel so pissed off.. why are human beings so damn freaking fake and selfish and cunning and irritating and what-so-ever it is. I hated this feeling. Really hated it.. I hate it when those so called 'friends' suddenly approaches u and act friendly and close to you when you have something of advantage to them. Wtf. Just because maybe your friend got an award or got famous somehow then u start to contact them to act like you know a lot of people with status? If that same friend didn't have certain status or what, would you still care so much to bother messaging that person? Those people sucks and I wished that they take a look at themselves in the mirror. Hello! Don't be so fucking irritating can! And what's more. Don't act so close to me and use the opening line that I resemble JJ and keep introducing me to other people whom I don't know and don't wish to know. I m not JJ. I m not fake JJ. I m myself. A fucking idiot who hates people coming to know me just because I resemble someone else. And this fucking idiot yet sucks so much coz she tries too hard to be tactful and not to start off cursing people for making that statement even thou she knows that they don't mean it. Hello me myself is a fucking fake-ko which fakes to hide my true feelings. Fuck. Human beings are like that. And I can't stand human beings. I can't stand a lot of people now and I can't stand myself. Whatever it is, just don't ever fake yourself to me if u want to be my friend or what cause though I m a bit gullible but I am seriously not that kind hearted. When time passes, I do know who are faking or what. And once I know, I will be very mean. I really will. I am really one of those fucking people with bad attitude when I can't stand it. I have my fucking temper and once I don't control, I can't guarantee what will happen. I have a high level of tolerance but don't play too much and don't ever toy my feelings or play mind games with me. I hated that. And not only that, if anyone were to hurt those who are really close to me and true to me, I will not let the person off. And don't say one thing to me yet do another thing behind my back. I will know sooner or later. Just a matter of whether I want to say that out or to give u face and keep quiet about it. I don't want to hurt anyone but if I do, I will have my own reasons which I may not say and have the other party hating me in the future. And don't let me know that you are being very selfish to me or what. Once I know and that's it. If it is understandable, I can still close one eye open one eye. If not, then I won't be that kind. Don't lie to me. If u do, don't let me find out. I used to believe that when u are nice to people, they will be nice to u too. Now I don't. That is another fucking crap and belief that I used to believe. Nothing is so simple and nothing seems simple to me now. And that day Gerald was saying that I changed already. I m so much older and mature than what I used to be jus few months back. And I don't play with them like what I used to do. He said it in a joking manner but maybe he do mean it. I m not angry with him coz I know it myself. I don't want to be a joker already. At least for this moment of time. I know how to joke, I know how to make people laugh but I am kinda sick of it. No one seems to take the words of a joker to heart. The feeling of emptiness after laughing is something that I have to bare with when I don't feel good but yet I can't do anything much. I want to be laughing normally and I want to happy and I try too hard to be normal. It is only when I m with those who are true to me then I can let go off some streams and be back to myself. For days and days I keep going out with Jane n zhimin they all. I know they accepts me for who and what I m. esp Jane and Deb. Even thou most of d time when they are talking, I m keeping quiet and listening as thou I don't even existed but that is me. The very old secondary school me who don't talk to most people unless very very close. Very unlike the so called 'now' me. Fuck. Again and again. maybe I will go back to my sec days. Maybe I won't. I dunno. The fucking life is so unpredictable and evil souls remained in everyone or almost everyone's body. And that includes me. Don't awake my evil soul. And I won't take too much initiative already. Sick of doing too much of it. Find no meaning. It takes two hands to clap for everything and anything. And I only take initiative towards 3 people so far. I remembered not talking to jane for 7 months coz we both are not taking initiative. She waited for me and I waited for her. It's always me who do the talking first and den I became so sick of it that I stopped doing that. And when she finally look for me after months den things got nice. My twin soul… I hope she will never grow evil cause if she did, it would equals to me being evil. I know who is real and true and will be with me till my dying day. I know very well. And I can count with my fingers. Whatever I m saying and I dunno what is this stupid thing that I m saying and got so pissed with. Whatever. I know there is people reading my blog but I dun care and don't ask me why or what coz I wun reply to that. I m jus letting off some streams. Fuck myself for doing that but again. I dun care.

@ 2:25 AM

Monday, April 10, 2006

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