midnite time no sleep yet i am going to type out some thots. not all but some. was feelin quite *** now. nvm that. i cannot type it out aniwae.. i jus came back from peiren's bday party aka chalet kind thing. and i din stay over mainly coz of my assignments.. they spent too much $ on the food already.. more than a thousand.. yet cannot finish so was kinda wasted and i did feel bad for not staying over coz we were considered her close friends but.. well all had their own reasons. hope she is doing fine and not feelin unhappy over *** ..

this party more or less made me hav more thots and nothing else. how complicating it can go really depends on the character of *** .. and i dun wish to see something which i think i have already some predictions, but i am not saying. last week.. i saw this whole chunk of stuffs on my cousin's blog.. and i find it quite true and of coz it mus be something that has got to do with her. aniwae.. this is the whole chunk of stuffs she wrote:

Life become meaningless when u are a loser...Life wif buddies will make everyday a paradise So treasure each moment with them..It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

i guess there are so many so called 'losers' now.. ard me and *** . and it really sucks that all these mus be something got to do with affairs of the heart. and i am quite amazed by some stuffs.. and even shocked at some facts and i think there is more to come. if there really is something call retribution den i think *** . i dun wan to see it so i think***got to do something about it.

suddenly.... i really feel like... i dunno... going to be a hip nun on a mountain or something? when u grow older, u see more things that u dun wan to see and dun wan to feel. and i hope to go to the stage whereby everything and anything is of no effects to me. seems feeling-less but it can be a form of relief hur.. no anger, no depression, no extreme happiness, no emptiness no nothing. plain and simple life. morning run up mountain carry 2 pail water, make roti toast, wash clothes. afternoon go hit gong one hour and den go town shopping 2 hr come back mountain fish for kampong small fish or bang wild boar go bbq and eat. nite time stay in temple secret computer lab chat msn with friends living in the outer world and then drink choya to relac a bit or work on freelance design job earn extra cash for shopping trips. best if got spa on mountain den open air somemore, can go there naked no one see den enjoy good moments. so damn relac hur.. crap.

aniwae.. d onli thing that i think is the best news i got today is that........................................... my........ best........... sister................. deborah.................................................................................
is getting married on sept 18th!!!!!!!!! so damn fast and unexpected and whatever lar.. but i realli happy for her coz she is the best gal i have ever seen... no one expected it aniwae..

as in.. thou.. she dun hav a nice looking 'casing' but yet she has a inner beauty. but i do think that those who dun look pretty and yet managed to have someone liking her are usually those with a kind heart.. typical thinking but i think it is very true. guys now.. really... very realistic.. at least those i noe.. chio and not chio ones, who will chose the not chio one? and even if they already got the chio one, they can still be not satistfied and look for a chio-er one even when they are already attached.

admire debbie's courage to get married at 21 yr old.. for me.. it is so too early.. but diff ppl diff thinkin.. i jus wan her to be happy den can le... anything also can..

p/s: long entry. enough craps. go do hw or slp? thinks.