I've not been blogging so much like last time.. but like what i say to most when they asked me abt this. When i feel like blogging, i will. Today, i'm gonna blog and record this down.


Something really triggered me to blog down my thoughts for this whole month..
I've been feeling quite depressing about a lot of stuffs recently that i tried my best not to show it to some, but of coz i know i've been showing attitude to some people. how long will that last? i'm not so sure either. but i guess it will be over sometime lar.


Okay.. let me start off with what is that thing that triggers me with these thoughts. Just now, on my way back home with wing, we met an accident. We were on this bus and both of us saw the bus driver horned a man, really.. a man of middle age. but the man just dashed over (we think is purposely) and the bus couldn't stop in time and the driver turned and still hit the man. Everyone in the bus basically just shouted out and the bus stopped, the driver shouted "Shit or F***". Wing and me remained silent and refused to get down the bus and see what happened to the man. We were just too afraid to see... the driver get down then later come up.. a lot of commotion and got other ppl come up the bus.. and called the police.. The driver is definately not at fault we would say. But the thing that we find it hard to believe, is the fact that after few minutes, they went down again and the man was gone. Gone not in the sense that he passed away, but is that.. he went missing. Not a single person in the bus or outside knows where he is and they already called the police. No blood stains, no nothing but everyone heard the loud bang ,feel the impact and witness the hit, even the driver knows he hitted the man. Seriously, we freaked out.


Wing and me was feeling so shaky on that bus that our legs went quite numb and we concluded that the person should be bang already and er.. "run away" to avoid being caught by police but of coz.. a lot of questions remained on our mind and we couldn't solve it. The driver made reports to the police and bus company etc and carries on driving simply because, all really dunno where is that man. Wing got down the bus first and i had to continue the journey back home. Feeling damn frighten, wing specially ran home, called me up to keep on continue chatting with me till i reach home, if not i would be thinking about a lot of stuffs and find it scary to go home alone.. esp.. my route home is quite dark.


On the bus, i've thought abt a lot of things. Last tues on my way to sch, the yishun station had a suicide case. Last sat admiratly had this case too.. I was quite taken back by this.. coz.. too many ppl are doing it.. and the way they chose to end their life is too... scary.. mrt tracks.


I couldn't stop myself from thinking about this. Few knows that last time... very long ago.. i did wanted to end my life that i did something silly.. But i'm thankful that at the very last moment, i stopped myself and i am alive. hmmm.. come to think of it.. it is really very very very silly and i would never ever harbour this thought again. It is too extreme that i cannot accept it. We only have one life... There are too many people around us who really cares.. whatever happens, it is not worth it to end it just like that. No matter how suay u r, the time will pass and things will get better somehow.


This whole year i feel that i am very suay.. nothing i do seems to make myself happy and a lot of things keep happening to me and the people i cared for a lot. I was sicked for 3 months and when i recovered, something elses happens. So so so suay that even when i go Clarke Quay to chill with some to destress and have a heart to heart talk at 3 am also can ganna a flasher. Yea, a guy pulled down his zip and showed his private part AND masturbate infront of us. Perline and me were the only two who saw it. The rest is like completely dunno until i shouted out to them A FLASHER!! Then wing they all started to turn around and look for him.. but he got away.. we din managed to chase him.. we wanted to like nail him down and call the police.. and we were all girls.. 5 girls.. only per and me ganna tat very unsightly scene. We were saying tat i should video cam his acts first den humilate him for his little "little brother" that haven even erect lar... but then who would thot of that in the first place? Too shocked already wat. Chill man.


But like wat i say.. the bad times will end when you already ganna the ultimate suayness and the good times will come. So keep on going and live your life well. Cherish it and dun end it in any stupid manner. Comparing to last month, i am feelin better already. Not in top form but at least better. Holiday is coming and i can have a good rest, do whatever i want to, hopefully.
I am really looking forward to it.